Well I don't think I will, I maybe too early to tell. However this is a conversation that people will either agree or disagree and although it makes no odds to me what other people do think it's important to me as a mother to feel encouraged and motivated. I've been having conversations of late about women working (whether that be for themselves or an employer) and having a family. I am staring my own business and I began to question if I was an awful mother who was prioritising work over being with my children? Am I failing day by day as a mother because ok, I don't listen to my children read every night, or I sometimes don't do extra-curricular maths with them or because I let them independently attempt their homework themselves before I intervene and help them! I admit it WORK gives me a buzz like no other. I LOVE everything about what I do, I LOVE how work motivates me to be someone other than a mommy and offer myself to the many opportunities life presents to me. In the words of Rhonda Byrne "life should be amazing" and work is a part of my amazing life and so are my children. However they are different elements of my life although they inspire and motivate one another, strange you might say. Ok I love money too but that isn't my only motivator for work, I love using my brain and thinking of different things, exploring different ways of delivering things and well yes meeting people......feeling inspired and valued as a mom that can offer so much more and still be the Queen of my Castle.
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying all women should work because I understand the circumstances around childcare costs.....I mean what a stinger......this is part of why I am making my business a child friendly environment, I LOVE my children and they are my motivation and inspiration to achieve, be successful and set a good work ethic for life. The values, thoughts and life I have are what has grown in me from becoming a mom. I have upmost respect for women who stay at home, my mom was one of these women and when I look at how I am inspired to succeed and be something else other than a mom I am grateful to her, my number one fan and support who I owe all my successes to. I do not feel guilty about enjoying work which does entail sometime away from home, but hey it gives my children opportunity with other family members to which they form other attachments with them and this is very important. I believe that it takes a family to raise children, and my family wanted my children just as much as me, so we all take part in facilitating their care. I love having my children around but I also know that quality time us better than just quantities of time. I think the physiology of a woman is amazing meaning to grow and birth these tiny humans then nurture them and give them everything to grow. However women shouldn’t think their life ends here for a bit……life is life……grow with it…..grow with your children don’t wait and then wish you would have done it sooner. We encourage our children to grow so we should practice what we preach. So below I am making some realistic points that everyone should be able to participate in at least 1 of them throughout their lives of bringing up their children. Women are powerful and unique and if you choose or have no choice but to stay at home don't let that be the end of it.....
Take up a hobby and join a group where you and your child are welcome. Some children centres have closed now, but there is nothing stopping you forming your own group or joining another voluntary group. If you have time and a little childcare you could volunteer for and organisation such as “Home-Start”. They are always looking for parent volunteers to support vulnerable parents.
Don't ever let someone's negative comment about you feeling inspired put you off aspiring to be something other than just a mom.....you are more than that, 1 life....make it count always not just when your kids are older. Everyone has something to offer, explore what that is, be a part of the action of life. Be self-aware and acknowledge who you are.
Dads are just as capable…….I have had numerous conversations where women get ate up about their partners not doing certain things as they would when caring for their children, things like “he will read a story then bath them” or “He lets them stay up 15 mins later than me” or “when I get back in there are toys everywhere”. Well come on ladies, does it really matter? Really…….No it doesn’t…..you’ve had some valued and well deserved time to yourself….he has had a bloody go and no one’s been admitted to A&E, everyone is settled so let’s look at the positive and be thankful…..oh and get planning your next free time out. Lol
Explore your interests, research and read, take a cheap short online course…….allow the neurones in your brain to filter new and interesting information. This will excite you and remember knowledge is power.
Communicate and share your aspirations and desires with your partner or a close friend. Maybe you can come up with a plan to support one another’s aspirations. Whether you can agree on a childcare arrangement or whether you require a motivator to give you a kick up the arse and say get a move on….book that course….or go and talk to the collage……or let’s look online at some resources…….People who give you a kick up the arse are useful …..Keep hold of them.
Never believe that something is impossible………EVERYTHING in life is POSSIBLE. Surround yourself with like-minded people, as someone said to me “surround yourself with people who will serve you”. I thought yes because people who are willing to serve me, I am just as willing to serve them.
So going back to the beginning No I won’t fail my kids…that thought is now a long distance thought and I won’t ever have it again unless I meet someone who is narrow minded and doesn’t obviously understand the value of my life. I always prioritise my children’s needs but my needs should be acknowledged too. My ship runs well, we are all responsible for the tasks on the ship and we ALL support and value each other’s life on board our ship.
Thank you so much for reading…..this Blog comes from my heart as I value and love the strength us women have. I have respect for all mothering roles women have and I would never judge another woman for route she steers her ship.
If you would like to take part in the next EBM event our Self-Emergence Event maybe your first step to exploring more about you.
Katy @ Every Birth Matters